This past weekend, I tackled a garden project that I’ve been putting off for years. I dug up all the irises in front of our house, and moved them to an entirely new area, which I’m hoping will now become “The Iris Bed.”
When we first moved into this house, I admit I went a little crazy with my flowers. I have always loved English cottage gardens, and I wanted a garden surrounding my house that was all flowers, full of blooms at all times of the year. I’ve been able to achieve that in a sort of modified way out the side door. But in our front, along the sidewalk, it just wasn’t working. For one thing, I only had a small space between the front porch and the sidewalk. For another, that part of the yard just doesn’t get much direct sunlight.
Rather than having a variety of blooming perennials and annuals, I had planted a lot of iris bulbs among the two boxwoods, and then pretty much ignored the area. After all, bulbs are supposed to be low maintenance, right?
But as I know from my years in garden writing, low maintenance doesn’t mean no maintenance. You might choose to turn some of your lawn into a natural area to cut down on the fertilizing, watering, and mowing. But you still have to mulch and weed that natural area. Or you plant perennials instead of annuals in your flower border, but perennials will need to be cut back in the fall and divided once in a while to really thrive.
That’s exactly what happened to my irises. They bloomed gangbusters for a few years. But two years ago, the blooms slowed down, and then last spring even the plants themselves seemed to be choked out. It was an overgrown mess, with dead leaves and weeds overtaking the beauty of the irises.
Once I finally took the time to pay attention to these bulbs, I was excited by the opportunities I found. Not only does the front walkway look a lot cleaner in its spruced up makeover, but I had over four grocery bags of iris bulbs to get creative with.
After a few afternoons in the garden, I felt the satisfaction of a job well done. It made me think of something my grandmother used to say, “Nothing in life worth having comes easy.”
Sure, we all long for the no-maintenance lifestyle. But that doesn’t exist, not in the garden, not in friendships, not in our spiritual life, you name it. Very little in our lives thrives on neglect. But luckily, it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to revive or maintain what’s important in our lives. For the irises, all it took was splitting up the crowded bulbs. Nurturing a friendship can be as simple as a text can let a friend know you’re thinking of them. Taking a couple of hours out of my busy night-time routine of washing dishes and getting kids to bed to go to our women’s Bible study is all it takes to reinvigorate me spiritually.
It was easy to neglect my irises. After all, they were in the front of the house, out a door we rarely use, and no one really saw them. But once I made the effort to split them up, which is recommended every three to four years and I had gone seven, I saw just how much of a difference a little time and energy can make. Yet again, my garden is teaching me a lesson — to not let other areas of my life get neglected, crowded, and covered up with weeds. I want my life to be full of strong blooms, and while it might take a little work once in a while, it’s worth it.
Parenting is a juggling act. Deciding which activities to prioritize, which arguments to intervene and which to let play out, and figuring out which parent will get the kids to which activity are just a few of the things that are going on at all times.
Freelancing is also a juggling act. The days of a freelancer are spent doing research and working on projects with strict deadlines, while also trying to stay on top of new trends in the industry, networking and marketing yourself and your services, and handling administrative duties.
For those of us women who are both moms and freelancers, we have a lot of balls in the air at one time. I know, the juggling act is a pretty tired cliché, but this week it is the perfect one to describe my life. Most of the time I feel like I have all the balls in the air with pretty good control. I make lists, I have schedules, we have a big whiteboard with the family’s calendar on it, and when most things go according to plan, there’s enough leeway in the schedule to accommodate for the unexpected and spontaneous.
But this week, even with all my planning and scheduling and communicating, I was thrown off. We had a major storm come through our county that produced a tornado that did quite a bit of damage in Wilkesboro and surrounding areas, and left thousands in the county without power, including a good number of the schools. We were very fortunate here at our house to only lose power for a few hours Monday evening, and didn’t suffer any property damage. But surprisingly, we got a call late Monday night that Wilkes County Schools would be cancelled for the next day, for students and staff. That’s when I first realized the storm had been much worse in other parts of the county.
Immediately, I began to rearrange things in my head. The next morning I assessed my work goals for the week and prioritized the ones with deadlines. The kids watched a movie and played outside, work got done, and we all got to go to shopping for the last items needed for Halloween costumes. Not bad.
Then Tuesday night, the superintendent called again. School would be out for students another day. Wednesday, frustration came to a boiling point. I tried to work like the day before, but things didn’t seem to be going as smoothly. Caroline decided that morning was when she had to share with me some things going on at school. Middle school girl problems, which were important to her and couldn’t wait. Tell my daughter I couldn’t listen to her, I needed to work? No way. The mom in me sat down beside her on the couch.
After our talk I was back at work in my office, when Carter started working on his costume for trunk or treat. He needed to be shown how to work the paint pen, he needed help stitching on the velcro, and for my own sanity, he needed a spot on the table cleaned off and covered with newspaper.
Phone calls weren’t getting made, research wasn’t getting done, laundry was piling up, and the sink was filled with dirty dishes.
I felt like I was filling up with stress. My juggling act was failing. Balls were dropping.
So what did I do? I let them fall. I packed up the kids and our tennis rackets, and we headed to the courts for my weekly tennis game. I wasn’t about to give that up. Two hours outside, soaking up some rays, getting a little exercise and a great conversation with a friend. We topped off the day with a fun-filled Trunk or Treat event at church.
Today, thankfully, the kids are back to school. I have a quiet house to myself to work. And I’m getting things done. Sure, when the end of the week comes, I won’t have been able to cross everything off my work list. Updating my website to put on the books I edited through the summer and researching a marketing newsletter through Mailchimp will have to wait. Those are some of the balls I let drop. (Maybe a few other things too!) Usually, the balls that drop are work related. While I never miss a deadline, other things I should be doing, like administrative tasks and marketing chores, are the things that get pushed to the side. But I’m learning to be okay with that. There will be time later, when the kids have moved out and my juggling act consists of just work, not work and parenting, for me to market my editing services and work on my writing projects.
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy playing UNO by candlelight, watching the kids have fun with their friends in the Halloween costume parade, and spending time with my friends. Because if I’ve learned anything from years of juggling, it’s that learning which balls to let drop is the important part of the act.
On Wednesday, I spent most of my work time writing about cleaning two-sided grills. Yes, this project was about as boring as it sounds, but it wasn’t all bad. Ask my family, and they’ll tell you that I’m the type of person who can find almost any subject interesting, which is true. On this assignment, I learned some cool things about grills. For instance, if you use the right cleaner, you don’t even have to wait for the grill to cool off before cleaning it! Who knew? Really, who knew you had to let the grill cool off in the first place? I had a pretty steep learning curve on this project.
But I know not everyone is as excited about learning the ins and outs of two-sided grills as I am. And luckily for me, that’s not all I do. After I finished that grill article and turned it in, I decided to reflect a little on the more fun aspects of my job. When I step back and look at the variety of things I get to do, the interesting subjects I learn about, and the fun people I talk to, I realize that I’m really lucky to be making a living with freelance writing and editing. Here’s a glimpse into the variety, just from what I did in the past month.
- One day I took a day trip to High Meadows Country Club and on up to Sparta for research for a blog I’m writing. Walking on the trails and eating at a pizzeria aren’t bad ways to spend a beautiful fall day, and the trip paid off with this blog, plus a host of other great ideas for future blog topics.
- I wrote an article on jellyfish and seahorses, learning some pretty cool things about these creatures along the way. Did you know that jellyfish get energy through photosynthesis? This was for Pet Age magazine, a magazine that I count myself lucky to be a regular contributor. The jellyfish article won’t be published until November, but if you’re curious, you can read about hermit crabs instead!
- I got to talk with the amazingly talented artist Alex Tru for a blog I write for Madison Records. She is an intelligent young woman who has fully focused on making a career in music, and I can’t wait to see where she ends up. We talked about Prince and Purple Rain, racial tensions in Gwinnett County, and of course, what it’s like producing an album in a recording studio. Her first album will be released soon, and it’s on my must-get list for sure.
- I took a day trip to Thruway Center for this blog, where I got to do some shopping, ate at Moe’s, and picked up a few Krispy Kremes, all in the name of research. Really, these day trips aren’t something I do that often, but this month I was in need of a lot of blog idea gathering, so it just worked out that way.
- I also got to talk with a woman who has a collection of Santa hats so big that she wears a different one to work every day the entire month of December, researched local 5Ks, and found out why it’s important to have a property survey done before you buy a house.
I’ve seen some freelancers say that the way to be successful in this type of career is to find a niche and really specialize. The reasons they give are usually that you can charge more for your services when you bill yourself as an expert. And I do admit, in theory that sounds like the more lucrative way to go. But in practice, I sure enjoy the variety I experience now, and I’m not willing to give it up!
We’ve all seen the research and the articles touting the fact that kids will eat more vegetables if they take part in growing them. I’m here to tell you, what these experts say is true. I admit, I had been somewhat skeptical. After years of saying to myself that it was the parents who caused picky eaters by allowing their children to eat only macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets, I learned my lesson the hard way. Not with Caroline. She ate whatever I put on her plate — green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, even broccoli. Then came Carter. He turned up his nose at green beans, avoided meat of any sort unless it was processed and breaded, and absolutely refused to eat broccoli.
Then, last summer, I witnessed a miracle. After going out to the garden to help pick some things for dinner, Carter offered to make a salad. And he ate it! The bowl full of carefully chopped ‘Ruby Red’ lettuce, banana peppers, cucumbers and cherry tomatoes served as a true turning point.
Now I can say with confidence that in my experience, what the researchers found was true. Kids are more likely to eat vegetables, or at least try them, if they’ve grown them themselves and had some contribution with the preparation. And you better believe they will be helping me in the garden again this year!
There’s a lot more good to gardening than just getting them to eat vegetables. Here’s some of why I love dragging the kids to the garden.
- It gets us all outside.
- It’s educational. For little kids, they learn about how plants grow from seeds. Then there’s always other things to talk about, like photosynthesis, or this crazy bug I found last year that we googled and found was not just a worm, but a host to wasp eggs.
- We get a chance to help others. In the past we’ve taken cucumbers and other produce to neighbors and to Tri-C, the local food bank. We’ve also cut flowers to take to friends to brighten up their day.
So what do we plant? I only have a small garden and tend to stick to the basics: green beans, tomatoes, squash, and cucumbers. But I always include some things for the kids, like cherry tomatoes and snap peas, both of which they love to eat straight from the garden. Good snacks when you’re playing outside!
The thing to remember when you garden with kids is to grow things that come up quickly, and that are relatively easy to care for. We start out with plants for our tomatoes, but the bean seeds pop up quick. And even though neither kid likes radishes, we always plant them. It’s just fun to pull them up out of the ground!
This year we’re experimenting with okra. It’s the first time I’ve grown it, but I thought it was worth a shot, since Caroline likes to eat it. And maybe Carter will too!
There are some things that come with age that might not be so exciting. I definitely feel sore after a day out in the garden, and worrying about taxes, mortgages, and retirement accounts isn’t fun at all. But there are quite a few things that only get better with age, and I’m not talking about wine. It’s my ability to say no.
As person who works from home, it is highly important to know how and when to say no. Here are a few times I’ve had to put my foot down:
- Volunteering. I love to do things to help others, and I’m very active in my church, my kids’ schools, and community organizations including the library and the garden club. When I first started freelancing, I found myself saying yes to all sorts of volunteer opportunities. After all, I had a flexible schedule and was around town during the day. Over time I learned to be more picky about the things I actually committed to. I still stay involved, but I limit the amount of time I put into each club or organization. I have also found ways to help that I can do at odd hours, so it doesn’t take away from my “work” time, like writing grants for Carter’s school rather than volunteering in the classroom.
- Running errands. Another place where being at home makes things somewhat more convenient. But if I’m the one who is always getting the oil changed in cars, running to the post office, and taking the dogs to the vet, the errands take over my time. I’ve learned to make a plan for the week and discuss it with my husband, so we can work together on what needs to be done and when, to make it work for both of our schedules.
- Video calls. When I first started freelancing 12 years ago, video calls were something I had only seen in science fiction movies set in the future. If I scheduled a phone call with someone I was safe to conduct it in a business-type fashion, even while wearing yoga pants and no makeup. But in today’s world, more people are using Google Hangouts and Facetime on a regular basis. While it’s great to be able to communicate face to face, it’s pretty off-putting if you’ve just come to the office from a work out to make a phone call, and the client asks if you can do a video call. I confidently say, “I would prefer not to at this time, but in the future we can set up a time when we’re both prepared.”
The no’s are an important facet of work-at-home life, because they help allow for the many yes’s that are the great benefits of this career choice. Because I work from home and make my own schedule, I can say yes to going on field trips with the kids, doing some of the volunteer work I love, getting some laundry done during the day, starting a crock pot dinner for busy soccer nights, or even working outside.
And what makes my job so exciting is my ability to say yes to projects that expand my mind and push my capabilities. Whether it’s editing books, writing web content, or researching for the latest article, I have fun doing what I do and love that I learn something new every day.
Why should sugar cookies only be made at Christmas? Sure, these melt-in-your mouth delights are associated with the holiday season, probably in part due to their colorful sprinkles or icing. But when I was a kid, we had sugar cookies for all sorts of seasons and holidays. Shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day, leaves in the fall, bunnies at Easter, not to mention the host of fun cookie cutter shapes that weren’t holiday related that my mom would use for any-time treats.
Granted, I don’t make sugar cookies as often as my mom did, but I am trying hard to make it happen more than just at Christmas. This week I baked a batch of Valentine’s Day cookies. Mostly for the kids to take to the retirement center for gift bags for church members, but of course, we kept some at home. And because I think we should all have fun with sugar cookies year-round, I’m taking this opportunity to share the recipe.
What I love about this recipe is not only does it produces great sugar cookies, but that every time I pull it out of the cabinet, I’m flooded with memories. In these days of searching on the tablet for a recipe on Pinterest, it is meaningful to me that my favorite sugar cookie recipe is printed on a card that says “From: Susan Skarbek,” our neighbor from when my family lived in Marietta, GA. Susan was my mom’s friend and the mom of one of my best friends. It’s been more than 30 years since I lived in that neighborhood in the suburbs of Atlanta, but every time I use the recipe I remember playing Smurfs in the front yard or Barbies at the Skarbek’s house with Bethany and Jessica.
So what makes this recipe the best? According to my mom, it’s that it uses only powdered sugar, not granulated sugar. The other trick to making it work? Patience. It seems like every time my mother shared her cookies with other people, they would ask her trick to rolling them out. I am here to tell you, this soft, sticky dough will be the bane of your existence, even after it has chilled three hours in the refrigerator. My mom’s tip was to use parchment paper, not waxed paper. I like to roll mine out straight on the sanitized granite counter top. But even with that, at least one roll out of dough will stick, and you just have to scrape it all up and start again. I’m here to tell you the effort and the frustration is totally worth it, these are some of the best cookies ever! To get you started, here’s the recipe.
1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
1 cup butter (real butter makes them even more melt-in-your mouth, but margarine helps make them easier to roll out)
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
Cream the sugar and butter. Add egg and flavorings. Mix thoroughly. Sift dry ingredients together and blend into the butter/egg mixture. Refrigerate two to three hours.
Heat oven to 375 degrees. Divide dough in half and roll 3/16” thick on lightly floured parchment paper. Cut with a cookie cutter and sprinkle with sugar. Place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Bake seven to eight minutes, or until just golden.
Two things happened on Tuesday that made me think about books and reading.
First, the kids and I went to Barnes & Noble to spend our Christmas gift cards. It was a teacher work day, and what better way to spend a day out of school than surrounded by books? This might sound strange to some of you, but it was the first time I had taken kids had been to Barnes & Noble, and it was absolutely magical. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we don’t have books in the house. Since they were born we’ve patronized our local library, coming home with piles of books after each trip. We’re also lucky to have a great local bookstore in Diana’s. But there’s just something awesome about walking into Barnes & Noble. Rather than being overwhelmed, the kids seemed to feel immediately at home. Caroline was back and forth between young readers and young adult, Carter found his special place in the non-fiction section on art.
I drove home feeling so excited about the fact that my kids spent two hours in a book store and still weren’t ready to leave.
Then, that night, I was involved in a conversation on Facebook where a friend from college mentioned starting an online book group, and I flippantly remarked that I might join, but I wasn’t sure I had time to read the book. Of course, the immediate response was, “Karen, there’s always time to read.” That got me thinking. She was right. There’s always time to read. After all, wasn’t that what I was trying to teach the kids? Wasn’t that why we spent our day out of school reading books and finding more things to read?
The thing is, I don’t have the time to read that I used to. When I was younger, when people asked me what I liked to do, my answer was always “I like to read.” And I devoured books. But now, I have a pile of novels by my desk that I want to read, and while I am slowly making my way through them, the pace frustrates me. There’s always a meal to cook, laundry to do, dogs to feed, or floors to sweep. It seems like as soon as I sit down with my book, someone yells, “Mom,” and my train of thought is broken.
But I truly believe the way encourage a love of reading in our children is to be readers ourselves. So even though my nose isn’t in a book 24/7 like it used to be, that comment on Facebook led to personal reflection, and I realized that rather than worrying about the novels I’m not reading, I should be paying attention to the things that I am reading. Once I thought about it a little, I realized, I am reading.
Here’s what’s on my plate right now:
Entertainment Weekly. Magazines seem to be a great answer to what to read when I only have short periods of time. I like the reviews and the writing in this one. It joins Redbook and Rachel Ray with the three subscriptions I keep renewing.
The Wilkes Journal-Patriot. I’ve always been a proponent of reading the local paper to stay up with what’s going on in the community, and I’m very pleased with how this paper reports on local news. They have a great editorial page as well.
The Presbyterian Church’s Book of Order. I was given this book when I joined the session, having recently been elected to serve as an elder. My father used to refer to it all the time, and I always thought it was just a boring list of rules. Which, technically it is, but it’s also enlightening to see how the Presbyterian Church is laid out and get a clear picture of the denominations’ guiding principles.
The Japanese Lover, by Isabel Allende. No explanation needed on this one, it just happens to be the novel of the moment for me.
The Tales of Uncle Remus. I read to the kids before bed, almost every night, and a couple of weeks ago I decided to go for something a little different. It started with me pulling out my Norton Anthology of American Literature. We read Mark Twain’s short story, “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calavaras County,” and the next story was “Tar Baby,” which they convinced me to read, probably mostly so they wouldn’t have to go to bed. Both of them laughed so hard that I got the book of stories at the library, and it’s been a fun read.
I think that many of us grow up thinking that when you say you love to read, that means you read novels, or classic literature. But you don’t have to read novels to love reading. Read the news. Read magazines. Read instruction manuals, self-help books, motivational works. I think that’s what makes a trip to Barnes & Noble so inspirational. It reaffirms that reading is for everyone. No matter who we are or what stage of life we’re in, there’s something out there that will pique our interest and expand our minds. And hopefully foster a love of reading.
Every family has its own Christmas traditions, and I love that we enjoy so many of them. In our family making sugar cookies decorated with sprinkles is one thing I do with the kids every year at Christmas, and Bill and the kids make buckeyes, or peanut butter balls with the peanut butter showing through the chocolate at the top. These are just two of many, including decorating the tree, watching Elf, and looking at other people’s Christmas light displays.
I wouldn’t list Christmas cards as one of our big traditions. Maybe because it isn’t something we sit down to do together as a family. But I love opening up the mailbox this time of year and getting cards from friends scattered all over the state and country. Most of them send pictures of their kids, and I love it when there’s a little note about what they’re up to. It’s a great way to stay in touch.
I have to admit, there are times when I wonder if it’s worth the effort to send Christmas cards, when so many of us are logged onto Facebook, and we see our friends’ kids smiling faces at different activities all through the year. Doesn’t social media do the job that Christmas cards used to do, helping us keep up with friends who are scattered across the country, who we might not talk to on a daily, or even monthly, basis, but we still care about?
My answer to that question is, no. Facebook doesn’t do what Christmas cards do. Those personalized cards are still worth it.
Granted, my list is pretty short, and really only includes close friends who live in other states. But the reason for sending these little missives through the mail year after year encompasses more than what Facebook can bring. For one thing, it’s more personal. Sure, I can post a picture of Caroline in her first band concert, or Carter singing at the Veteran’s Day service at school, and all my “friends” will see it. And by all, I mean those who happen to see my post in their newsfeed during the time they log on. So will my friends see it? Maybe, maybe not. Also, with Facebook, we lose the personal touch. Most Christmas cards include more than we’re willing to share with the world on Facebook, the details of your life that really speak to who you are.
So the next couple of nights I will spend a few hours writing letters and addressing envelopes. It’s just one way of spreading a little love and good cheer this time of year. Something that can’t be replaced by Facebook.
There are some plants in the garden that seem to thrive no matter how hot and humid August gets. My zinnias are one. Those flowers just never stop! But it seems like most of my perennials wilt during the overbearing weather of late summer, a lot like we as humans do. Those days when you just step outside and break a sweat can be tough. The weather completely zaps your energy before you really even get anything done.
So when my coneflower quit blooming and the hibiscus succumbed to an insect that totally disseminated its leaves, I figured it was getting to be the time of year to start cutting back and moving on. After all, the first frost would be just around the corner.
But then I had a happy surprise. Through the month of September, when the days were warm but not as hot as August, I started to see a revival of sorts in my garden. Not only were the mums and asters blooming, which they’re supposed to do in the late summer/early fall, but some of my perennials started to perk back up and bloom again. I’ve had a second round of blooms on my rose bush, the coreopsis, and the ‘Going Bananas’ daylily.
Here we are in the third week of October, and I have a garden that looks like an odd mix of early spring and late fall. Maybe the name of that daylily was symbolic. Is this a sign that our climate is going bananas, when I have daylilies blooming on October 19? Late last year, after our first frost, we had a warm spell long enough that some of the forsythia and other early spring bloomers started blooming. I worried that they wouldn’t bloom again in the spring, but they did. And now we have a summer that seems like it just won’t end.
It’s hard not to worry about climate change. This article from Slate.com written in March and updated monthly, shows in a humorous way just what we’re experiencing. What will our world be like in 20 years, or 30, when my children are adults and raising children of their own?
I can only hope that we are taking steps now to stall some of the dire affects climatologists warn us of. And in the meantime, I will ease my worries by enjoying the blooms in my garden. After all, it’s hard to deny that a cheery yellow daylily brightens up your day!
I have to admit, August isn’t my favorite month in the garden. The squash and green beans that were so lush and productive in June and July are have given in to bugs and powdery mildew. The flowers that looked so perky and perfectly mounded in the spring and early summer are now overgrown and straggly. No amount of cutting back seems to bring back that spring-time vigor.
But all of that doesn’t keep me from going out to the gardens. There are still plenty of zinnias to pick, and a few tomatoes that have escaped the nibbles of deer. And the other day, when I went to see what produce I could scrounge from my mid-August garden, I found my flowers alive with butterflies. It was the most I’d ever seen in one place. I only have about a two-foot line of zinnias out at the vegetable garden, and I counted seven butterflies there at one time. They were so intent on getting the nectar from the flowers some of them didn’t even move when I came near them. A few would fly up and away only to come back and light on another flower.
Watching those butterflies made me happy. There are many reasons why gardening is touted as a good activity for stress relief, and the connection to nature is one of the biggest. It’s so peaceful to watch the butterflies at work, collecting nectar. And so beautiful, with their colorful wings flittering against a background of colorful flowers.
Here I was, thinking it was the ugly stage of the garden, when I was overcome with beauty. If you look for it, there’s beauty in every stage. The colorful leaves of the fall, the stark limbs of shrubs in the winter, each season has its highlights. Thinking of the garden is peaceful in so many ways, but it also brings peace when you realize that just like the garden, life itself is beautiful at every stage. So many articles and blogs write about the fleeting moments of early childhood, and how that time is gone before you know it. It is. But then the next stage comes, and the next. And each is beautiful, fun and awe-inspiring in its own right.